Monday, March 3, 2008

Being Prepared

We're ready!

There's nothing new and no adoption progress to report, but nonetheless, we're getting ready to go! Francie actually loves to be in the baby carrier. And isn't it the prettiest design ever? She hangs out and looks around while I make dinner or clean the house. (That's right. Both times.) She likes being in the middle of things, I think.

I try not to think about the adoption, and I sometimes manage to pull back into this very quiet, patient person, but then if I look at the photos too much or watch our stupid 41-second video of her more than 18 times in a row, I start to literally feel sick to my stomach. My friend said she felt the same way, and next thing she knew she was in Africa with her baby and then it was over before she knew it and now none of it matters.

This must be true. At any rate, it is an interesting little study in Buddha Mind and of the truth that our suffering is directly determined by our resistance to not getting our way. I see that. Totally. But I don't care! I choose impatience! I choose suffering! I want my way!!

I think it might be very telling that there is no news and nothing has changed or developed for three weeks, and yet every day I have a different emotion about it. How can that be?

3 comments:

Jillienne said...

Thanks for your comments! I am glad that you posted, it is great to read blogs from other CHI families! Also it looks like a very interesting read. I will enjoy getting caught up on your journey. Here's hoping something happens soon.

Danni and Tommy said...

This has got to be the hardest part of the journey (I thought it was- we waited a long time to find out about our court date). Know I am thinking of you and your beautiful beautiful girl- I'm sure it will be very soon...and know she is being very well loved.

Katy said...

I can't beleive I never thought to put our annoyingly clingy cat in a baby sling! I have an overwhelming urge to try it. As I type this I realize how weird this is, but I guess you can relate?