I read today that someone whose referral was submitted to the courts the first week of August has just been assigned a court date ... for Nov. 28. Courts are closed in Ethiopia, but I guess maybe they are still doing administrative work?
I am heartbroken that we're that far far far away. I had my heart set on end of October. Don't ask me where I got that from. I made it up. Still, it sounded good to me -- reasonable, and yet not ridiculously painful. But Nov. 28 (and it's not lost on me that that's not even OUR court date; it's someone else's) is ... it's ... well. It's three months away from TODAY -- not a long time away if you're waiting for a new car, or a vacation to Disneyland, or to get a cast off your leg. But for a baby that's already yours in everything but the technicalities, it seems just completely undoable. As in, I'll never make it. As in, I feel it in my stomach that I have to find a way to make this something other than the way it is.
Indulging, I know I am, in the bummerness. (Count your blessings! Chin up! Grow up!) Don't wanna. Not tonight.
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