Halloween in africa

We spent the morning making peanut butter cookies that I cleverly sprinkled with some allegedly all natural food sprinklings (orange) that I bought in Dakar. Very Martha Stewart of me, except that it turned out to have been salt colored with tumeric, so those cookies went right in the garbage, and then I had orange stain all over my clothes and hands for the rest of the day. Oh and my lips, too. Very gouhlish.

Then we visited with a bunch of europeans who, I will tell you, they had it going on. Somehow one woman had found TWO pumpkins (yes, they were brownish with yellow streaks, but c'mon), we carved those, had candy, did fingerpainting, and drank orange juice-laced vodka (all things orange were okay, at least for the adults).

But before all that, Dessi was a butterfly. At 3pm, she had wings, antennea and gossamer pink fabric floating from her arms. By 4pm, she looked like this. By 5pm, she just had two unraveling antennea, and by 630 she was pretty much naked. I don't argue with these things. I'm just the camera man.

paint it up

Here's what we did today. Why not? The idea of painting on a bathroom wall seemed to break her imagination wide open although, I admit, I might very well live to regret this moment if the concept is extrapolated very much. But for today, it was so fun!

Sleepy

I think this is the sign both of a well-lived life and bad parenting. Big day of school, no nap, lots of swimming and and playing with the visiting Henrik equals face down in the salad by 7.



The next day, we focused more on resting:

Court Date!

I couldn't have hit the refresh key on my email account for a single day more!!! This news comes just in time to save my sanity.

Referral: July 24
First Court date: Nov. 11
Second Court date: Dec. 13

We will almost undoubtedly choose to travel for the first court date.

So happy, relieved and hopeful! It is suddenly so soon now.

Court Date Speculations & Crocodile Legs

We received more pictures last night!!! Of course we can't post them yet, but I can say that she's too young to discern much about her personality, except that she is perfect in every way. She looks kinda despondent -- in two pictures she's looking down and away in a manner so similar to some of Dessi's old pictures so that it breaks your heart a little. To us, who have admittedly spent what might almost be an unhealthy amount of time staring at the previous pics, we see positive change, though!! She looks fuller and more alert and I think it's very clear now from her eyes that she is destined for great things in this world.

Seriously.

I honestly cannot believe how beautiful she is. I think she looks so similar to Dessi when Dessi was that age (although Eric completely disagrees with me), and ... but ... she's her own little being. I'm not doing any compare and contrast, and I hope I never, ever will. But I see glimpses of Dessi in her, and that makes me feel closer to her. For now, it's all I have. If I think about it too much, I physically ache.

Still no word on a court / travel date for Ethiopia, but we're hoping to hear ANY day now (seriously!) (even Patty says so. Any day now.) Strangely, I also dread it --i'm afraid it will be too sad and far away. In a nutshell, we're hoping for end of November, we're happy with end of December, and we are pretty darned bummed if it's in 2011. (but trust me, I also have 400 nuances of happy/un built into that, and a flow chart of possible mitigating/complicating factors. I have been VERY busy with all of this. Very.) But honestly, despite my grumblings, worry and flow charts, I know this is going to be all okay. Soon it will come, and until then she is in a very good place, and we know that.

I have heard of a few other families who have court dates assigned for Nov. 12 and Dec. 3, and I"m betting (but just guessing) that the nov. 12 date is for a first court appointment and the dec. 3 date is for a second (not every agency allows parents to choose to travel for the first court date). So, with all this additional speculation entered into the flow chart, my best guess is for November 24. That's my guess. Maybe sooner?! But not to get our hopes up either way. (Yeah, right.)

In the meantime, our little bug has eaten .3 kilos worth of food in the past week. What a relief! It had been our biggest worry. (For Eric, it had been his only one. How does he do it?!) She hadn't gained but .2 kilos in the last month total. Her weight, 5 kilograms, works out to a little more than 10 pounds. For a 3-month baby that's pretty scrawny, but as long as she's gaining, we're cool with it. She's still below the 5th percentile for height, weight and head circumference, but it's not scary anymore like it was (for us, anyway. The THomas Center made no mention of it). The kid just needs a dada and a mama and, of course, a big sister.

Dessi simply rocks. She adores school. Every morning, she's so excited to go. Eric and I think the teacher is pretty weird, actually, but dessi likes her so I guess really who cares what we think. She is really really into her letters now, she learned the A and B and now has started seeing them all over town and it's added a new level of utility to the whole thing that she finds thrilling. She can write her A, B, D and P (They started as bad B's, so we made it into a teachable moment ;) She is so SO excited for her sister now, sometimes she whines and complains about it -- she will throw up her arms in exasperation and say, Where is my LITTLE SISTER?! I fear we've talked it up too much or something -- I mean, it's going to translate into considerably less attention for her, at least sometimes, and it's not like her sister's going to play legos with her. But whenever she looks at the pictures her eyes get wide and dramatic and she says, 'mama, isn't she sooo cute?!"

It continues to rain here, a LOT, and we've all started on meflofquine. Whatever. I couldn't think about it anymore -- should we, shouldn't we -- so we did. Voila. We plan on taking it just until the dry season begins. Whenever that is.

:)

OK, I"m off to bed. Eric's out now with our dear friend Henrik, who is visiting from Senegal this week. Henrik wanted to go see a reggae band and somehow Eric rallied and they left the house in a 10 pm blaze! (Not really. They were both so tired, I could tell, despite the cappucinos. But they went and did it, and that's what counts.)

I feel like I just mindlessly babbled my way through this post. Maybe I will write a more organized one soon, with some stories about the fun people we've met here so far, and the sawed-off crocodile leg someone tried to sell me by the side of the road (I had pulled over to buy pineapples) and the awesome house right on the beach that we rent ...

Or maybe to report on a COURT DATE!!!!

So okay, more later.

Birthday #1

Dessi is going to turn 3 on October 13, but we decided to celebrate her birthday in August.

We have a pretty darned joyous kid to start with, but I have to say, I have never seen her so happy as she was at that party. It was one of the best days of my life as well; any happy day of Dessi's is a happy day of mine. The best part was that wasn't about the gifts (no gifts, please) or really even about her so much -- it was about celebrating! Friends! And playing tag and hide-and-seek and, for the adults, eating and drinking wine and laughing our tails off at all the amazing, sweet children in our lives.

And of course, what party would be complete without turning over the mesob and then popping out of it like a lady from a cake? (We adults looked up from our wine glasses and the kids were all doing this. Hilarious!)

There was also soooo much food and some cheesecakes

The last little boy in the picture is her best friend, Aidan. Everyone at the party was like, WHO is that sweet little boy?!?! He and Dessi completely adore each other. They dance together at our weekly farmers' market, they are playmates at school (many a time I would arrive to pick Dessi up from Montessori and she and Aidan would have their heads together in a corner somewhere or, my favorite, once they were in a distant field, he pulling her in a red wagon). Aidan brought Dessi a butterfly balloon for her birthday and he was just bursting at the seams to give it to her (she was napping for the first half hour). He is an amazingly open-hearted little boy. At one point during the party I was sitting with his parents and he was running with the other kids around the yard ... as he ran by us he shouted, "I"M HAVING FUN, MOM!!" Kids just slay me. His brother, Sam, is just as darling.

We are surrounded by aunties and good parents and sweet friends. It is a joy beyond words to have people like this with whom to celebrate.

Update from Addis

More pictures arrived last week -- the newest littlest one seems to be doing alright. She is absolutely precious. I have been trying not to look at photos or think too much about it -- just play it cool and bide my time until court opens (8 days!) and we can at least be moving toward a court date. Right now, we're not moving toward anything -- just floating, floating, waiting, waiting. Patience, patience.

She is 11 weeks and not quite 10 pounds. Teeny tiny! And yet the child has the head of a melon! She could grow to be six feet tall and her head would be fine just as it is. But as of now she is ... ten pounds. Can you imagine? I can't. I pick up things around the house that are ten pounds and I try to see what it is like to hold such a weight, such a small thing. It is like air. With such a fragile, tiny thing in tow I will no doubt return to creating worst-case scenarios for every room, vehicle or situation we encounter for the next several years. This will simply be my job, and I will not judge it this time around. (Oh, how things will be different this time! I will be calmer and more prepared! Less overwhelmed and worried! More present! Yes! Yes! Yes!)

As excited and impatient as we are to bring her home, I am also strangely calm and ... content. Our lives are gorgeous, and I'm finally getting enough sleep so that I can see it. We're balanced and easy and hitting our stride. Beyond any reasons I could list, our little family seems to be completely ... I don't know. Happy. Quietly happy, ebulliently happy. Happy sleepers, eaters, play dough designers, gardeners, bicycle riders, vehicle passengers. We even come out of time outs pretty happy.

We are very, very far from Square One. The poop, the laundry, the messes, the tied-down-to-a-schedule, I don't mind those things so much. The loss of sleep is what I fear. I really do. I'm a much better person with a solid niner each night, and I am no fool; I know I am not going to have one again for a really, really long time.

Nonetheless. I cannot wait for all ten pounds to be hoisted on my back forever. I can't wait to feel her weight on my chest as I sing her to sleep, I can't wait for the passing of hours and days and days again, and my being intertwined with another being too perfect and tiny for so many words. Of just gazing -- because for so long there will be no words -- and of knowing and conveying, This is how we are now. Forever. We are ready for her!!

Last night I tried to rock Dessi to sleep and have her rest her head on my chest the way she used to. She wanted nothing to do with it. Just Bounce me, mama and Sing me songs and Let's clap and wiggle! And then a swift hug and a kiss and off to bed. I see her moving away from us in this heartbreakingly beautiful way -- our bright, sweet, delicate light. She is strong and perfect and confident and I love it, but I miss her, too. I miss her needing me the way she used to.

Which is all a surprise to me. All that needing was sometimes a bit overwhelming, to tell the truth, and I kinda thought we were adopting again not to fill our needs but to give the universe back some of this love overflow -- because we are fat and happy and blessed. I can see now, though, that a second child won't soak up the leftover love; she will create more. Just seeing her pictures and thinking about her, I realize she already has. I think it will break my heart wide open forever.